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2005-06-01

[curly edition] News! [corrected] 

[UPDATE 06-02: Several corrections required due to unuseful facts. Ah, the standards of quality journalism.] As the tabloid weekly News will report [DE] reports [DE] in its edition of tomorrow, Frank Stronach has fired[laid off] the curly former football-star Toni Polster from a short-lived job as general manager of the Viennese tradition football club Austria Wien. Polster is not allowed to talk about this before tonight’s cup final, which pitches Austria Wien against arch-rivals and new champions Rapid Wien. [Austria won 3:1]

Stronach has been showering Austria Wien with money for several years to make it the richest club in Austria, but results on the field have been disappointing. Rapid has been operating on a comparative shoestring, but nevertheless denied Austria Wien its second championship victory in a row, while Stronach has frantically hired-and-fired coaches and players, but without much luck. Many fans hate him, and a late championship match had to be aborted when enraged Austria-fans stormed the playing field at a score of 0:3 against last year’s champion and this year’s runners-up, GAK.

According to tomorrow’s News, Austria is now undergoing a revolutionary situation. Toni Polster, who played at Austria Wien in the successful early years of his career, is said to be planning a coup d’etat against puppet-master Frank Stronach, with the help of another former Austria Wien football-star and national coach, the equally curly Herbert Prohaska.

In a legal fight pitching Polster/Prohaska against Frank Stronach’s industrial Magna-empire, one would have to favour the latter’s prospects over the two players, whose heavy Viennese accents and working-class backgrounds have made them the butt of many jokes about their intelligence during their careers. But despair not, because News claims that Vienna’s socialdemocrat mayor Michael Häupl may be riding to their rescue, just at the beginning of the election campaign for the Vienna municipality. Häupl is a political patron of Austria Wien, and the only one who could potentially face down Mr Stronach. News even talks about a plan to replace Magna with Siemens as the main sponsor of the club.[Siemens is in talks with Austria about sponsoring the club's youth-work.]

A beautiful tale of adventure, compared to which the Dutch EU-referendum must look pale and insignificant. We will know by tomorrow whether there is any factual basis to the saga too. [NEE won with 61.6% of the vote]


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